Here I am. It’s precisely 12:03 am on a Saturday night. My cell phone is sounding off with text messages and notifications sounding like windchimes in the midst of a hurricane. Texts from my ex girlfriend telling me she misses me, texts from a guy I went on a date with a few weeks ago, messages from dating sites with men all saying the same thing or something meaningless and mundane at an attempt to break the ice…the truth is, I like the attention but it isn’t their attention I need.
Falling in love is a truly masochistic thing. I mean, how many relationships do most of us go through before we find the one that we are supposed to be with? And if you do happen to find that one person whom can put your whirling thoughts to rest, make you feel sane and crazy all at once, who’s whispers cover you like a soft blanket fresh from the dryer on a frigid February night comforting you in ways you never thought possible, the one that you don’t feel the need to pretend with.. their crazy compliments your crazy.It dances in a way that can only be interpreted by the two of you… if you’re lucky enough to find that one entity that one soul that makes you feel like you’re not alone in the universe…you could STILL lose him/her. And your heart is something so very fragile to gamble with…sure, you can win it back, but the one who claimed it as their bounty won’t cradle it quite like you did and you’ll likely get it back In pieces spending years trying to get those pieces to fit back together with trembling hands. Love stricken. Stunned like a bird that had flown into a glass window. More often than not, love ends. And with what always seems like an untimely death, and then comes the pain. That warm blanket had been snatched from your now naked body and you’re exposed to the elements and you just can’t seem to mask the agony that now lies at the pit of your stomach and it fills you completely reflecting through your eyes for the world to see. That thing we call love. Now feeling the unraveling of my soul being pulled outward as I begin to let go of whom I adore I’m left empty. Nothing left…makes me think really long and hard about jumping into its depths with both feet again…i think I’ll wade here on the shoreline for awhile. This way I can see what lies beneath my feet. I’ll continue to go out on dates with impressive people, interesting people, funny people, talented people, but I know, deep down, there will never be another like the one I long for tonight. At 12:46,am.