Things aren’t what they seem.

It’s strange how quickly emotions can shift. I miss him but not sure if I NEED him anymore. I’ve been creating a distance trying to separate myself emotionally for the guy whom has been tethered to my heart for 3 years. It’s been exhausting. Being the other woman, never sleeping together but coming close. I reduced myself to the other girl and all of my feelings are a result of my own decisions. Granted, he has a way of forming words into a work of art that sounds like angels singing every word a girl has been dying to hear…needing to hear, their entire lives. Leaving cracks in that hard shell i encase my heart in, then Borrowing deep inside like a parasite that feeds off of my joy, sadness, insecurities, talents, and leaving me feeling empty, hopeless, neglected and worst of all, unworthy of love and happiness. I’m just tired of being treated like I’m disposable. I’m terrified to get attached to anyone new because statistically, it is likely he/she will end up being the same way. It will end with me crying over a pint of Ben and jerrys and a 6 pk of reds apple ale trying desperately to numb the agony that that will eventually leave me with emotional paralysis and a broken heart. I’m becoming jaded, cold, and callous. Maybe I’m just not the kind of person that belongs with another…who knows.image

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