Today is.

I get a call late in the evening from him as I’m driving through cliffs and valleys down a country road. I know cell service is crap so i don’t bother picking up…besides, it’s darker out there than an inside of a coffin and its best I focus on the road in case a deer leaps out into the road. I look at my phone because my Pandora keeps freezing. The missed call was from him. There is his face, smiling huge clenching a potato in his hand. He sent that picture to me years ago referencing an inside joke. As soon as I get into the next town at a stop light I pick up my phone and text him “I’m driving. Call you back later” his response

“I need to talk to you

” I promised I would call him back. But much to my surprise when I arrived home, my ex gf had cleaned my entire house. All she wanted was for me to lay with her and talk. She had just saved me at least 3 hrs of work. I lay with her, she massages aching back. My plan is to call him when she drifts off to sleep. Spending the day at mall of America was taxing to say the least and i slipped into a sleep coma. The first thing I did when I woke up was text him, apologizing for falling asleep. 2 days later, he still won’t answer me. THESE Goddamned  Mind games he likes to play are getting old and although I still love him, so much, they are just going to backfire now that he is 2000 miles away and he can’t make the ice that is crystallized around my heart melt with his sweet kisses and soft gaze with those beautiful hazel/green eyes and the exuberance that beams from them like a small child on Christmas morning. I’ve got a new guy. He is finishing up an assignment in Kansas and still has about a month left. He wants to fly me down for a long weekend. He’s amazing, handsome, wealthy, brilliant, incredibly chiseled and has that glow…exuberance, but not jaded. He calls me his queen, treats me as such… he becomes excited when I tell him we could be together, he was excited that I told him I would try to fly to Kansas to see him… I really like him but it’s so hard to focus on him when I’m trying to get over someone else. On paper, it’s no contest. My new guy has it all. He’s so smart and accomplished. Wealthy, generous, and still acts as though he isn’t worthy of me. I think I could one day, love him. Honestly that is what scares me most. I think it may too good to be true. And no matter what the circumstance, I could never completely cut my California boy off. He taught me so much. But maybe this is the end of that chapter and its time to move onto the next… I guess only time will tell.

I know you’re probably reading this my poopyface. I love you.

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