Here we go again.

It’s not my fault so many shitty things happened to me that molded me into the mess I am today. But I’ll say this… I’m no longer allowing his indifference, silent treatment, and mind games control how I feel. At some point the bullshit has to stop and what better way to put a halt to it than give him a taste of his own medicine? I have someone whom wants to be with me. Someone awesome he could turn out to be an amazing guy that doesn’t care about my past…in fact I’ve shared a lot of it with him and he has been so understanding. Although it’s too soon to tell,  One day I might even be able to love him. He’s had a rough go of it as well which affected him into adulthood but he’s beating his demons while mine are still active in my mind. I can win this. I can win anything. I refuse to give up, I refuse to let them win. I’ve always been competitive… my abusers won’t win nor will those whom make me feel inferior or unimportant. I’ll teach myself to not care. I WILL MAINTAIN CONTROL.  My heart and soul are not anyone’s stomping grounds. Now…I just need to figure out how to un-love someone.

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