Help! I ran out of laundry detergent! Don’t worry… I’ve got you…

So I ran out of laundry detergent… don’t act like it’s never happened to you  otherwise why the fuck would you be here reading my stupid blog about it? Yeah. That’s what I thought. Now wipe that smug look off your face and read on, bitches… because this shit GOLD!

I needed to get the kids clothes clean quickly… my car isn’t running so I was left to my own devices. I remember making laundry detergent before by using a recipe on pintrest but I wasn’t a huge fan. It didn’t rinse well and I just liked the store bought stuff better. 

Well that wasn’t an option for me yesterday. I remember needing washing soda, borax and some kind of bar soap I’d never heard of but I didn’t have any of that shit. I like to bake and I also use baking soda for lots of other things so I had tons of it on hand. What did I do? No… I didn’t just use baking soda because I’m pretty sure that was my mistake the first time. I made my own. I threw a bunch of baking soda onto a cookie sheet and baked that shit on 400° for  .. well I don’t exactly know. I have ADHD so I just went off and mixed yhe other shit together, made a phone call or two fucked around online, then remembered it was in the oven. From what I’ve read, it supposed to take anywhere from 15-30 mins… who knows. I just know that I can tell when it’s done by looking at it.When it changes its chemical composition from sodium bicarbonate into sodium carbonate it takes on a finer, duller and almost dusty quality rather than the brighter, crystallized and clumpier appearance it has before being heated. It’s much finer. So much so, that when I was dumping it into the container, it made me sneeze. It kinda floats in the air creating a dust cloud if you’re not careful. I’d say that I used about 1 cup? Not sure just dumped what was left in the box onto the cookie sheet. 

I didn’t have any of that weird hippie soap or stuff that only old people buy (that I had never seen or heard of until I saw it on pintrest)  but lucky for me, my boyfriend only uses dove bar soap ( and just happened to try the store brand for the first time) (because he doesn’t like feeling residue or having his skin dried out or having any heavy Cologne or perfume scents left behind) I didn’t have liquid Castille soap (whatever the fuck that is) but I did have other ingredients that I frequently use for stain removal and brightening up dingy clothes. 

So I spent about an hr on thus project which is fine because I FUCKING LOVE CRAFTING AND DIY PROJECTS! So here goes my desperate homemade detergent recipe. 

  • First, as formentioned, I didn’t have Washing soda so I turned on the oven to 400° and emptied the rest of my baking soda out onto a cookie sheet (ended up being about 1 cup) and threw that bitch i the oven 
  • Then,  I grated the fuck out of a bar of that generic dove soap. I didn’t even have a grater. I used an old ass strainer/sifter thing that has probably been in my family since they were  undoubtedly dragged over here from Ireland and made someone’s bitch for awhile… knowing my family, they probably stole it from their Massa’s kitchen just as a subtle way of saying “fuck you”to the man and that’s why it’s lasted so long. But it worked well. 
  • After that was done in added 1 cup of hydrogen peroxide 
  • Then about 1/4 cup of dawn dish soap
  • And 1/2 cup vinegar 
  • Then I mixed the shit out of it with a spoon. It was kinda foamy-ish 

Then my landlord contacted me about a text I had sent inquiring about installing a lycra swing in the ceiling of basement play area for my son and ended up bullshitting for roughly 30-45 mins

  • Then by then i knew my baking soda turned to washing soda, I added that to the rest of the ingredients. I sneezed a couple of times then mixed that in too. 

Then my son’s grandmother called and I forgot what I was doing because I talked to her for about 45 mins

  • About halfway through that phonecall I remembered that I was making laundry soap and spread it out onto a cookie sheet again. It was weird Like a cross between shaving gel and liquid cascade. 
  • Because i had made a small amount of it yesterday and through the day it had dried and was in a clumped powdery substance that i just smashed with the bottom of a glass and it looked just like store bought powdered laundry detergent.

I still used it prior to it drying out because I didn’t know that it would and I’m impatient af even though I’d find out later that it dissolved much faster once it was powdery again.

I tested it out on a medium load of the kids clothes and then again on a blanket that is used with a duvet cover. Both washed in hot water because boys = germs and germs are icky. 

Both times, the water came out looking so dirty when it drained before the rinse cycle the rinse cycle water was pretty clear and the clothes and blanket came out soft even though I forgot to add dryer sheets. 

I would say this is an overall win for a half-assed recipe that I threw together just using what I had. I will probably use this recipe for awhile and then switch to another soap that doesn’t have conditioners to prevent any build-up or dingy-ness. But it’s working out nicely thus far. 

I know the other stuff is fine because I used that combo on some serious stains on my son’s hand-me-down coat that he got from my boyfriend’s son. My boyfriend said “you’ll never get those stains out but other than that it’s perfect” the thing looked like it had been dragged in mud for a mile then washed again and again leaving it still  dirty looking. Mostpeople would’ve said ” fuck that drama” and threw it away, but because he said I’d never get the stains out, I had to prove that I could because I saw it as a challenge. 

Spoiler alert

I got them all out. 

Ha ha! I win!