Category Archives: memories

Nostalgia

myself are Driving down a country road, I’m overcome by the scent of the corn fields In bloom . I picture my sister and I playing hide and seek with each other in the what seemed like endless rows of  towering stalks. The mud swishing between our toes, the dogs barking and chasing us playfully through the fields, breaking off a cobb and chucking it for them to find… makes me miss the carefree feeling of being a child. We would catch wild animals and bring them inside to keep as pets until mom told found out.I love the smells of my past and how quickly it can send me back in time to a point where I was happy. Where nothing mattered other than which Barbie is going to marry gi Joe today or what flavor of gum to get at the gas station with the spare change I found in the couch. As years passed, it became what can I do to avoid being beaten today?  Am I going to see my mom today? Tomorrow? Why do I feel as though I have to let people hurt me, or take from me in order for them to LOVE me? Why do I want these people to love me? Why won’t anyone protect me? I miss the cornfields…and the wonderful respite that was my early 20’s. In Florida, listening to the palms in the seabreeze whilst holding one in my hand. The soft sand between my toes, the taste of the salt on my lips, the feeling of my hair after the salt had settled on every strand naturally dreading my hair making me feel like a bohemian beauty while I am swoon by the sweet smell of coconuts while the other girls gloss their thin, tan bodies with Hawaiian tropic. STILL…to this very day, I adore the scent of coconuts. Whenever I get whiff of it,  my eyes close and my mind is back there. Listening to the waves, the palms, feeling the salt, sand and calm. Calm. Something I rarely feel anymore. But nostalgia can help me pretend for a little while.

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Forged farewell

We’re Senseless,
And Reckless,
You’re Pain
You’re bliss
You’re agony and ecstasy
I love you,
I hate you.
I want to hold you,
Choke you.
Kiss you,
Kill you.
Give you life,
Then take it away.
I adore you.
I despise you.
You Satisfy me,
Sicken me.
You’re nothing
And everything.
Nurture me,
Destroy me.
My dream
And Nightmare.
Heaven and hell
I’m a mouse,
You’re the wheel.
Going nowhere.
Breathless.
Stationary.
Moving at the speed of sound.
As fast as my heartbeat.
It could give anytime…
You’ve broken it,
Glued it,
Shattered it.
Taped it,
Crushed it,
Stitched it.
Devoured it,
Heaved it onto the floor at me feet.
There is nothing left to mend.
I’m empty,
I’m Hollow.
My legs are too heavy to walk away.
You opened my eyes
Then blinded me.
Put me together
Then took me a part.
Made me feel
Bliss.
Pain.
Pain.
Sorrow
Rage.
Fear.
Pain.
Barren and blissful
Mirth and misery.
Devotion and despair.

I was comfortable
Content
You left.
Gone.
Alone.
Agony.
Tyranny and torment.
Longing and loathing.
You’re nothing
You’re everything.
You’re gone.
I’m breathless.
Lifeless.
Emotionally emaciated.

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